Author: Jill Tuttle

I invite you to close your eyes for a moment and recall your favorite memories of the holidays from your childhood.

Childhood has a wonderful way of reminding us that, as Laura Ingalls Wilder once said, “It is the sweet, simple things in life which are the real ones after all.”

I learned this important lesson firsthand from my own children when they were very young. At the end of each day as I tucked them into bed, I would ask them what the best part of their day had been. Over time, I started to notice distinct patterns of simplicity woven into their responses. No matter the fanfare that had transpired during the day, the moments that stood out the most were very simple in nature: seeing a rainbow out the car window, holding hands on our daily walk to their school, making a new friend at recess.

On the steep and sometimes winding path from our carefree days of childhood to adulthood, we often lose sight of what truly matters, especially during the holidays. So let’s all take the time this holiday season to slow down and harken back to the simple joys from our childhoods. To help you do so, here are a few mindful ways to return back to those sweet and simple things.

Celebration With Intention

Like any great road trip, it helps if we have a destination in mind and a map of how to get there. Before the hustle and bustle of the holidays set in, I encourage you to find a quiet place and bring along a paper and pencil. It’s time to sketch out your map.

Use all of your senses as you imagine what you want your holiday season to look, feel, sound and smell like. Quiet nights, twinkling lights, apple cider and a crackling fire usually top my list. You may want to write down a word or two — perhaps even a phrase — that can serve as a lighthouse to look back to when you need a gentle reminder of your intention.

Years ago, our family wrote down that we wanted to “make memories and keep traditions.” This stated and shared intention has served as a joyful reminder as we continue on our journey together as a family — especially during the busy holiday season.

Give Back

I will never forget one dark winter evening, my husband was away at his shift at the fire department and I was home with my three young children. There was a swift knock at the door and — to our great surprise — gifts had been left on our front porch! Over the next 11 nights, this scene was repeated and my children began to look forward to their nightly surprise.

I never did find out who our generous benefactor was, but that feeling of joy has stayed with our family and has inspired us to pay it forward.

Each holiday season, we look forward to finding new ways to connect with our community and serve those around us. Giving back can be as simple as a handwritten note, a homemade gift or a listening ear. Teaching our children that quality time is the best currency you can spend is a lesson that will last a lifetime.

Reflect With Joy

The holidays can be such a beautiful time to intentionally slow the pace and create space to reflect on the happenings of the past year.

As with any worthy pursuit, carving out time for the practice of gratitude takes some energy, but I promise will be well worth your time and effort. Keeping a gratitude journal throughout the entire year is a wonderful way to record the daily joys of life, and it’s a fun and easy way to reflect on your year as it draws to a close.

One of our family traditions is to create a gratitude tree for Thanksgiving. The entire extended family is encouraged to write down something they are grateful for on a leaf and place it on the tree. Each year, as we gather together and the gratitude statements are read aloud, the feeling of joy in the room is palpable.

This holiday season, as we celebrate with intention, give back to our community and reflect with joy, may we all cultivate moments to last a lifetime — and, of course, remember to take the time to slow down and savor the sweet and simple things.

Wishing you and yours a happy holiday season!

I can vividly recall the joy of placing black olives on all 10 fingers every Thanksgiving; the magic of
making snow angels in the newly-fallen snow; sleeping underneath the tree each Christmas Eve.

We’ve all been there.

You’re driving your oldest to soccer practice (10 minutes late because the shin guards were hidden in a basket of laundry), you’re stewing over a crunchy conversation you had with a coworker earlier that day and you just realized that you forgot to set out the frozen meat for dinner. Lost in your own little world, bouncing between thinking about the past and the future, you’re abruptly brought back to reality when one of your children asks, “Are you listening?”

Your youngest child has been giving you a play-by-play of her day at preschool and followed it up with a question. Given your lack of response, she has now realized that you have committed one of the cardinal parenting sins: you have tuned her out.

While a common parental coping mechanism – especially during the years when your toddler fills his or her “word quota” for the day by 10 a.m. – once you’re busted for not listening, you now have a choice to make. You can either admit your wrongdoing and risk your child starting over completely, or give a vague answer and hope for the best.

If you’re looking for an alternative option, however, you may consider the practice of mindfulness. A bit of a buzzword this past year, chances are you’ve at least heard of the idea. But what is it really? And how can it help you to become a better listener, maybe even a better parent?

Mindfulness is the practice of being present; it is being aware of your present experience without judgment.

Very few of us have the time or ability to attend back-to-back mindfulness retreats, or delve deep into the neuroscience behind the concept, so I like to keep it simple. Basically, if you are breathing, you can practice mindfulness. One of the basic tenets is to notice the breath. Doing so allows you to recognize how you are feeling in any given moment. Is your breath quick and shallow? Is it relaxed and steady? Our breath is typically a good indicator of how we are physically reacting to a situation.

While mindfulness is sometimes only thought of as a tool to help aid in regulating emotions and staying calm in stressful situations, its benefits can also help you savor the sweet moments in life. The next time you are experiencing a peaceful or happy moment, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and allow whatever feelings that arise to permeate every fiber of your being.

If You Are Breathing, You Can Practice Mindfulness

Beyond the breath lie more opportunities for us to cultivate our own personal practice. This includes noticing when our minds have wandered to the past or future. Most of us are guilty of multitasking to the point where it has become second nature. Even if we are not doing several things at once physically, we are often playing mental ping pong in our minds, making it difficult to tune into the moment at hand.

Practicing mindful listening is as simple as removing outside distractions (yes, put down your phone), noticing the breath and paying attention to your reactions to the words that are being spoken. As we learn to resist the urge to interrupt, interject, advise or opine, we improve our ability to truly hear, to truly listen. And what better gift can you give to someone than to let them feel heard?

As you continue in your practice by using your breath and being present, listening without distraction will become second nature. That way, the next time your child asks, “Are you listening?” you can truthfully answer, “Yes, I am.”

Mindful Senses Nature Walk

One of my favorite ways to practice mindful listening is to get out in nature with my family. Free from all other distractions, we can truly listen to one another and tune in to our senses. This simple, fun exercise has proved to be a family favorite, and I invite you to try it with your family this summer!

During your walk take turns where each of you pause and share what you can see, hear, smell, taste, touch and feel. Make the experience come alive. Write it down.

“I see the mountains before me,
I hear the birds chirping in the distance,
I can smell the pine sap from the trees,
the taste of summer in the air,
I touch the earth below and feel at peace.”

Jill Tuttle is the founder and owner of Mindful Humans, a cause that is dedicated to teaching mindfulness to children, teachers and families. She teaches private and group sessions, and provides in-home parenting consultations. For more information on how to create mindful spaces and implement mindfulness practices in your daily lives, checkout Mindful Humans on Instagram and Facebook.

Regardless of our best intentions as parents to guard our kids from the hardships of the world, whether it is by turning off the 5 a.m. news or by limiting dining room table talk of current events, inevitably they will either hear the news or be directly affected by it.

When I think of “bad things” I divide them into two categories. The first being natural disasters such as floods, hurricanes and earthquakes. The second being stressful life events such as death, health issues or financial  struggles. If you are alive and breathing today, chances are you’ve been touched by at least one of  these things.

Some questions are admittedly hard to navigate as adults, let alone explain to  children. We know we must live our lives somewhere in between Chicken Little’s “the sky is falling” and “head in the sand” denial. My preferred method of approach is, “That which you focus on expands.” By focusing on and looking for the good in life we can find ourselves navigating life’s difficulties with wisdom and grace, and in turn help the little ones in our lives do the same.

A prime example of this happened recently as our family was affected by Hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico. My brother and his family live there, and after the hurricane we were unable to contact them. After several long days, we received word that although their home was severely damaged, they were alive and well.

In an effort to focus on the blessing of all of us having survived 2017, we gathered together as a family for the holidays. While visiting one day, I asked my 9-year-old nephew what he wanted to be
when he grew up. He gave me a big, knowing smile and responded without hesitation, “happy.”

I couldn’t help but wonder if his experience of being trapped in a closet for hours on end as his home was being beat down by a hurricane helped form this rather mature opinion. Sometimes we must pass through the storm — figuratively or literally — to gain this perspective. In the end, I believe that we are all better in the aftermath our experiences.

“That which you focus on expands.”

Jill Tuttle

I’ll never forget the line in the movie “Finding Nemo” when the dad promises his young son that he will never let anything happen to him. As improbable as this seems, too often as parents we take this approach thinking we are helping. In reality, if our children never feel the sting of losing a spelling bee or never feel the trepidation of standing up to the recess bully, how are they going to react to true adversity later in life?

In his book “The Whole Brain Child” Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. said it best explaining, “It’s often these difficult experiences that allow them to grow and learn about the world. Rather than trying to shelter our kids from life’s inevitable difficulties, we can help them integrate those experiences into their understanding of the world and learn from them. How our kids make sense of their young lives is not only about what happens to them but also about how their parents, teachers and other caregivers respond.”

When bad things do happen, as they inevitably will, we can listen to their fears and acknowledge their worries, then reassure them that they are safe and loved, and help by providing them with strategies to cope.

One fun way to do this is to play a game called “The Thorn and The Rose” where each family member shares the most difficult part of their day (the thorn), followed by the best or most special part of their day (the rose). I like to end the conversation with the rose so we can linger and dwell on the positive.

It is an important part of healing to encourage our kids to retell the events of the thorn, allowing them to feel heard. Then, by focusing on the positive, we can help them realize that good is there if we look for it.

In short, we may not have all the answers to why bad things happen, but we can choose how we react and what we focus on.

As the saying goes, every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day.

“How Do You Know That You Love Me?”

It has been said that children are our greatest teachers, and most often, their primary method of teaching us is by asking questions. Did you know that the average child can ask up to 300 questions per day? Some questions are as simple as “why is the sky blue?” Other thought provoking questions can stop us in our tracks, making us ponder the very meaning of life itself.

A recent talk given by Jose L. Alonso recounted a sweet encounter when a tender question was asked by a young child to his grandmother. The young boy asked, “Do you love me?” “Of course I do!” replied the grandmother. The young boy then inquired “How do you know that you love me?” The grandmother then reminded him of all that she had done and was willing to do for him. She then asked the child the same question. “How do you know that you love me?” To which the child quickly responded,“l know I love you because I feel it inside my heart.” A simple, yet profound answer given by an innocent child, satisfied that he knew it to be true because he had felt it in his heart. I would like to think that both the child and grandmother’s answers are right. Love is a combination of words, actions, and feelings.

The words we speak with our mouths, the actions we do with our hands, and the feelings we feel with our hearts are all equally important in showing love to the children in our lives. Speaking words of love and encouragement may come naturally to some, others through gathering and studying information from the plethora of parenting books available, or for the majority of us through trial and error. (Note to self: yelling out “I love you!” as you drop off your child for the first day of middle school is not advisable.)

Actions are often the day-to-day tasks that we lovingly perform with our hands. Hands that braid hair, make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, give endless piggy back rides, and underdogs at the park. Hands that pitch ball after ball until our little slugger finally connects. Hands that show love. The feelings we have for the children in our lives are often difficult to put into words. If you’ve ever had the privilege of rocking a newborn baby to sleep, experienced seeing the pride in a child’s eyes as they take their first steps, or witnessed the moment of truth when the training wheels come off, you know what I mean. There will also be times your heart aches—when you learn your child has been eating lunch alone since school started, or tried and tested such as when your 15-year-old admits to taking the family car and running over your mailbox (true story). Your heart will grow and stretch in ways you didn’t imagine were possible.

Children are masters at this golden trifecta of words, actions, and feelings—almost always expressing some form of it. So the next time your child hands you a fistful of dandelions, drowns you in sticky kisses, or hands you a cephalopod drawn in Crayola, soak it all in because that, right there, is the good stuff, that, my friends, is love.
I would invite you to ponder what your answer would be if your child were to ask, “How do you know you love me?”