Author: Cassidy DuHadway, LCSW

By Cassidy Duhadway, LCSW

One of the most important things for humans is connection. Belonging to a group and being connected to them helps us live longer, be healthier, and have more happiness. Being told to separate ourselves from others can cause harm to our physical and mental wellbeing, as individuals and as a society. It goes against our instincts and desires. It can breed loneliness and fear of other people.

Some of the physical and psychological effects of social distancing may include:

• Feelings of loneliness, disconnection, and hopelessness
• Diabetes, autoimmune disorders, and cardiovascular diseases
• Anxiety, social anxiety, and depression
• Grief and complicated grief
• PTSD, trauma, and stress
• Fear of others or diseases

Dealing with these effects, recovering from this pandemic, and healing from it is going to take work, both collectively and individually. We will recover, we will move through this. It will be essential we do so in a way that allows for mental wellness and healing.

RESILIENCE IS THE CAPACITY TO RECOVER FROM DIFFICULT THINGS.

Building your resilience will enable you to recover quicker. However, it is not as easy as just saying, “I got this” and “I’m going to get over it,” it requires action.  To allow our whole self to heal, we need to do the mental, physical, and spiritual work. As we improve, we can bring our families and communities with us.

“WAIT… IF THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO DO, THEN HOW DO I DO THAT?”

The short answer? Through hard work. Unfortunately, it’s not something we can achieve overnight. It’s something we have to practice over and over again as we build our skills and resilience.

AWARENESS AND SELF-COMPASSION

Becoming aware of our body, reactions, thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and how we are actually doing is mandatory for having more choice and control in our lives. But, awareness in and of itself is hard to learn how to do. Do we know how our bodies and minds react to each other? Do we have an inner critic that is always in charge and shaming us? Having an awareness of these things allows us to start to have control over what is going on internally.

The KEY here is self-compassion — learning to be aware of what is going on in the moment — understanding what is going on and being kind to ourselves in our suffering. Self-compassion means allowing ourselves to be human, struggle, suffer, and to grieve without judgment or expectation. Self-compassion and awareness are the foundations for building resilience and healing.

SELF-CARE

This is more than pedicures, massages and working out (although those are great). It’s the simple things we do every day to take care of ourselves, to improve our mental and physical well being. It’s important to look at everything we are doing for self-care; if we are hyper-focused on one or two specific things, we are not taking care of our whole selves.

How we practice self-care looks different for everybody. Some ideas might include:

• Journaling
• Moving your Body
• Talking
• Medication
• Eating Food
• Creating
• Sleeping
• Going to Therapy
• Turning off Screens
• Taking a Break or Going Outside

Self-care can be a struggle. For some, there is an underlying belief that we need to serve others before we take care of ourselves; that behavior is harmful. When we ignore our self-care or put it last, we have less ability to support and help those around us. If we continue to give, when we aren’t taking care of ourselves, we experience increased rates of physical and mental illness.

MINDFULNESS

Currently, our community is experiencing a considerable amount of anxiety, panic, and fear. Learning mindfulness will help counteract those feelings and help us to shift our focus away from unhealthy worry over what is happening and what might happen.

Mindfulness is the practice of being present, of dealing only with what is going on right now. It is learning to allow whatever it is, regardless, without judgment. It’s connected to self-compassion, decreased anxiety and stress, and an improved state of mind.

CONNECT WITH OTHERS

Engaging and connecting with others will always be important to humans, but it is especially crucial to surviving and healing. The way we connect might not always be ideal and may be difficult, especially with the added fear of getting sick. Finding ways to connect virtually or learning how to reconnect is a vital part of the healing process.

The last several months have been trying and stressful for many of us. If you are struggling, that’s ok. Know that what you are experiencing is a NORMAL reaction to an ABNORMAL event. You will get through this.

Please know this is NOT something most of us can do on our own. Getting support and help from friends, family or a professional during these times will help us build resilience, survive, and heal as individuals and communities.

Cassidy Duhadway, LCSW, is the founder of Purple Sky Counseling in Heber. She specializes in women’s issues, trauma, anxiety, depression, PTSD, C-PTSD, low self-esteem, children and teens, life transitions, negative self-talk, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EDMR), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), mindfulness, faith transitions, and LGBTQIA.

Have you ever talked with your hairdresser and then walked out thinking, “Wow, I told her way too much?” Believe me, you’re not alone — it happens all the time. As a mental health therapist, I often have people call me and say, “I don’t know what to do. My client/friend shared something with me and I don’t know how to help them! What do I say?”

Your hairdresser, massage therapist, coach, bishop and best friends are not therapists. Sometimes, though, we tell them things we haven’t told anyone because we’re comfortable with them and we trust them. They do their best to help, but there are times we need more help than they are able to give. That’s why knowing when to talk with a trained specialist is so important.

Unlike a physical injury, mental health struggles are something you can’t always see. Because these types of struggles lack physical manifestations, we can find them difficult to deal with or even talk about. Plus, there is an undue stigma around mental health in both the Heber Valley and throughout the country that can scare us away from seeking professional help.

To battle this stigma, it’s vital that our community understands just how common mental health issues really are. In this country, one in five adults — and the same number of teenagers — experience mental illness every year. Let that sink in: one in five. In Utah, the rates of depression, mental illness and suicide are even higher than the national average.

Does any of this sound familiar? Work harder. Crying is weak. Cowboy up. Ignore it. Boys don’t cry. It’s how I grew up.

I know we’ve all heard some version of these sayings over the course of our lives. In some situations, it may not be bad advice. In others, though, these maxims can create a barrier to getting help that’s truly needed. Thankfully, times are changing and we now know there are healthier ways to deal with emotions, mental illness and overwhelming life events.

There is a wealth of knowledge and research about how your brain works, how it deals with memories and how it heals. A therapist can help you sort things out, but sometimes taking the first step is the hardest part. On average, it takes people 10 years to start getting help. Hopefully, through outreach and education, that number will shrink as our society — and our community — breaks the stigma and embraces the importance of mental health.

Therapy and counseling are tools that can help you get through life’s hard moments. If you have a child that asks for help, trust them, they don’t believe the stigmas as much as we do. If you are feeling overwhelmed, stuck or struggling with your daily life, maybe it is time for you to talk with someone other than your friend or bishop. If you are experiencing depression, anxiety, mood disorders or other mental health issues, it’s time to get help.

We may not be the “big city” but we do have amazing therapists in the Heber Valley. Some of us specialize in very specific things (like trauma or anxiety), while others are generalists (like a family doctor who can help with a variety of needs). While finding the right therapist for you and your life is key, the most important thing is taking the first step. The trick is to start talking about it. You might be surprised which friends or neighbors have had good experiences with a therapist and can point you in the right direction.

If talking to friends and neighbors feels too scary to you, give any local therapist a call. Even if that therapist is not the right fit for you, he or she will be happy to recommend you to a colleague. I know I can speak for all of the therapists in the valley when I say, we are here for you and we want to help.

If you are struggling financially or do not have insurance that covers mental health services, the Wasatch County Family Clinic provides a sliding scale fee option based on your income (fees can be as low as $5 to $20 per session). Spanish-speaking therapists are also available.

Cassidy DuHadway is the founder of Purple Sky Counseling and a therapist. She specializes in helping women, children and teens experiencing trauma, anxiety, depression, PTSD, low self-esteem, life transitions, negative self-talk and sports psychology. She is also a member of EMDRIA and the Utah Association for Play Therapy. Contact: purpleskycounseling.com |  435.709.3060. Follow Purple Sky Counseling on Instagram and Facebook.