While I delight in all of the seasonal transitions, the deciduous trees of autumn make an undeniable impression and are impossible to ignore. With that notion, Northern Utah weather fluctuations are not for everyone. During our vernal and autumnal shifts, one can expect weather reminiscent of the heat of summer and the depth of winter in the same week. For September and October, this climactic quarreling produces stunning landscapes, where moody skies serve as a backdrop to the contrasting white of dusted snow on the cool, earth-toned mountain rock. The mountains transition into the fiery red, orange, yellow, and green hues of aspen trees; the deep greens of our evergreen forests directly complement the electric reds produced by our maples. The bleached-out grasses and blue sage of the valley floor ground the vertical prismatic display, and the mirrored reflection from our abundant local bodies of water bring the entire experience into a dramatic full circle.
“I’ve been searching for years for the ideal place. And I’ve come to the realization that the only way to find it is to be it.”
While the net result may be visually remarkable, my children occasionally express their frustrations with our local climate’s unpredictability and erratic shifts. The internationally bestselling author and social entrepreneur Bryant McGill said, “Our Children can be our greatest teachers if we are humble enough to receive their lessons.” When searching for an acceptable answer to our children’s queries over “why” the weather has to be so trifling, my wife has used an analogy: winter and summer constantly fight each other because neither is willing to compromise.
It’s genuinely heartening to see that the children have accepted and understood this explanation. The analogy is relatable because they have observed and experienced the ‘uncompromising quarrel’ in their lives. With the shift that we call autumn, we witness a planetary-scaled climate battle in the northern hemisphere. This allegorical abstraction makes sense to the children because they have seen humans mimic similar behaviors as an approach to conflict ‘mediation’ in their daily lives. They have given and received arguments such as, it’s MY way or the highway, take it or leave it, I am not giving an inch, your opinion is noted, etc. It can be safely assumed that we have all experienced this approach to negotiation, starting in our elementary years and perhaps drawing into adult communications.
Evolving from biology to physics — Newton’s Third Law of Motion states, “If two bodies exert forces on each other, these forces have the same magnitude but opposite directions.” Paraphrased: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I have observed that this physical law crosses over into human psychology. An uncompromising argument would be expected to be met with an equally uncompromising retort from the other affected party. The debate becomes a matter of magnitudes. One force seeks to destroy the other by overpowering the balance. One side eventually dominates the other. Summer ultimately loses to winter, and by absolutes, all must adapt in the aftermath of the conflict or cease to exist. In the context of human communication, to ‘adapt’ is forgiveness, and ‘ceasing to exist’ would imply the relationship.
Some irony about the autumnal splendor is that extreme stress on the ecosystem creates ‘beauty.’ Early snow melts and refreezes, creating freeze-thaw erosion that cracks and crumbles mountains. The vibrant colors of fall leaves are generated because the tree is preparing for dormancy and has ceased chlorophyll production. The leaves will stress, defoliate, and decompose as a byproduct of this process. The grasses follow a similar process and transfer their sugars to their roots while their ‘lungs’ become lifeless husks soon to be matted down by heavy snowpack. Large and small creatures that reside in the lakes, rivers, and surrounding foothills have hopefully completed their respective cycles in the warmer months. All localized life must adapt to survive the violence of the seasonal conflict between summer and winter. If an organism fails to fulfill the measure of its creation and pivot to the change, it will likely not live to see the pendulum swing back to summer. While it is true that stressful scenarios can bring strength and beauty to humanity, we have been equipped with minds capable of adaptation through thought and planning. Adopting patterns of violent, natural precedents may not be the most successful strategy for navigating negotiations in a tightly-knit community.
Stubbornness can be both an aid and a hindrance to adaptation. The pioneer mindset that settled the Heber Valley was gritty and obstinate, hard and absolute. Such focus and intensity were mandatory for survival during the United States’ westward expansion period. That mindset exists today and is one characteristic that has preserved the Heber Valley as a remarkable destination and the paradisical mountain community that it is. However, there comes a time in human communication patterns where a calculated compromise may be better for a relationship than adherence to an absolute by principle alone. This understanding and flexibility are crucial for maintaining healthy and harmonious relationships with nature and each other.
Contrary to popular opinion, words, statements, and viewpoints cannot hurt you. The receiver has to be complicit in accepting the message and then actively choose to allow that sentiment to create an emotional impact or resonance. The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle is cited as saying, “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” This statement is as relevant today as it was two thousand years ago and is the foundation by which a dictation becomes a discussion. We are born impatient, demanding, and absolute. These traits ensure survival in infancy. To fulfill its measure, a human mind must be taught to rise above natural survival instincts. Media messaging is the 21st-century form of tribal warfare, replacing spears and swords with deception, half-truths, and faux realities. Failure to adapt will isolate an individual and leave them vulnerable to manipulation. Cultivating an “educated mind” and disciplined self is the modern-day equivalent of the infantry shield of antiquity.
Start your journey to a negotiation strategy through calculated compromise by listening to another’s viewpoint without reacting. Practice being emotionally neutral. You may choose to accept or decline the message at your discretion. The words cannot hurt you, and, at the very least, you will gain a tactical advantage by knowing where the sender’s point of view originates. At a higher level of communication, you may discover validity to a proposed thought and add several miles on the journey to an educated mind. In a best-case scenario, you may learn that goals can be aligned and peace is attainable between the tribes. In any outcome, you are in control and can choose what is best given your particular scenario. By listening, you illustrate respect and will likely receive similar consideration as a return on that investment.
With that centered emotional stance, embrace humility and be teachable. Develop an ‘educated mind’ that can discern and stand unwavering. You will become confident as you develop experience and wisdom. Whether we are willing to acknowledge it outwardly, not one of us ‘knows everything.’ Be willing to educate yourself and be taught perpetually. If you cease to adapt to ‘seasonal changes,’ you will risk irrelevance and deep frustration as the societal pendulum swings. The ‘compromise’ becomes ‘calculated’ because you have considered the scenario adequately and understand the implications from varied positions. Such discernment requires both strength and humility to be done effectively.
The English writer and philosopher Alan Watts stated, “I’ve been searching for years for the ideal place. And I’ve come to the realization that the only way to find it is to be it.” Many of us have chosen to be here because we perceive the landscape as idyllic. While that may be arguable, the community makes a mountain valley ‘home.’ Let’s try to be more compromising in our neighborly interactions this autumn and ‘be the place’ where we have come to reside.
